Welp, liberals have already spent years trying to ruin Christmas. Over the past few years, they’ve turned their destructive eyes toward Halloween, determined to make sure that no one can have any fun lest they be accused of “offending” people or appropriating the culture of the Northern Plains Indians or some such nonsense. So it was perhaps inevitable that they would eventually decide to ruin Thanksgiving as well. We were only surprised at their creativity: We thought for sure they’d make it all about the injustices done to Native Americans.
Instead, Huffington Post tries to shame us over how much destruction we’re doing to the climate with our mighty November feasts.
“How much damage are we doing with our epic Thanksgiving meal every year? We spoke with three researchers to find out more about Thanksgiving’s carbon footprint,” they wrote, asking and answering questions that literally no one was wondering about.
“It turns out that your food isn’t the biggest holiday culprit of carbon dioxide emissions — traveling for the meal is,” they continued. “No one should be discouraged from enjoying the holiday or celebrating with family and friends, but we’re here to provide insight into the ingredients and dishes that have the largest ecological impact. The researchers we interviewed shared suggestions and alternative ingredients that cause less environmental damage.”
Oh, we see. You don’t want to dampen our fun or ruin our time with family. You just want us to trudge through the holidays, our minds half-distracted by how much carbon we’re spewing into the atmosphere as we make the trek to grandma’s house. Over the river and through the woods, it’s off to melt a glacier we go!
Thankfully, the researchers HuffPost talked to assured us that we can have a perfectly fine Thanksgiving meal as long as we pass on the “meat and meat byproducts (cheese, butter and heavy cream, for example).” Mmm-mmm! Can’t wait to chow down on some Thanksgiving Tofurky!
But if you’re not quite ready for vegan Thanksgiving, HuffPost tells us that we can still make environmentally-responsible decisions about the meal.
“Try sourcing your ingredients locally to limit your impact, from the wine you serve to the herbs that are stuffed into your bird,” they advise. “The benefits of lessening your food miles are numerous, not just in terms of decreasing your carbon footprint, but because then you’re supporting your local economy and increasing the quantity of nutrients in your food.”
Yeah, we’re going to get right on that.
Anyway, now that you’ve put the kibosh on any “politics” talk at the Thanksgiving dinner table, you can expect the token liberal in your family to inquire about the carbon provenance of the stuffing and berate you for putting too much butter on your biscuit.
Do liberals ever just…relax?