Are you getting ready to complete your sophomore year of college and you still haven’t chosen a major? Are you months away from graduating high school and you still aren’t sure what you want to do with your life? Are you languishing in an unsatisfying career and you need a new direction?
Well, if you are a liberal fanatic who likes to spend most of their free time complaining about the white patriarchy on Twitter, Merrimack College in Massachusetts has a new degree course you may be interested in. Being a Social Justice Warrior is no longer strictly an amateur occupation. Thanks to Merrimack, you can graduate from the Oppression Olympics, get your degree in “Social Justice,” and go on to become a thriving professional SJW.
Extra whipped cream on that Frappuccino, by the way.
“Why study Social Justice?” asks the school. “Our social justice program offers majors the chance to turn their passion for change, human rights, and a more just world into a career. As a social justice major, you will receive the knowledge to prepare for advocacy and human-rights work within local community organizations and national and international non-governmental organizations like the United Nations. You will develop a strong theoretical understanding of ideas of social justice and participate in real-world learning in the field.”
Among others benefits of pursuing a Social Justice degree at Merrimack, students will be able to customize their major, apply for an internship at the “community-based organization” of their choice, and – our favorite – participate in the annual Social Justice Week, where they can “get involved in on-campus initiatives to address inequality.”
Now you have to hand it to Merrimack with that last one. While schools like Mizzou and Yale are trying their best to keep the widespread campus protests of the last couple of years from sinking their institutions into a quagmire of utter insanity, Merrimack is going in the other direction. They’re actually going to give students CREDIT for protesting the school’s ongoing inequality.
Another benefit of choosing this degree program? If you have terrible grades and they try to keep you from graduating, you can use everything you’ve learned over the course of the program to protest the administration, scream that you’re being denied because you are a black, transgender wolfkin, and they’ll basically have to admit that you were indeed a fine Padawan who deserves the parchment.
One drawback: Um, no one’s hiring “Social Justice Warriors.”
But hey, that’ll give you something new to complain about after you graduate, ensuring that you can go through your entire adult life with a chip on your shoulder. And isn’t that really what’s important?