Not Satire: NYC Mayor Declares “Meatless Mondays” to Save the World

If you’re a student in New York City public schools, you might want to think about bringing your own lunch to class with you on Mondays. New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio is rolling out “Meatless Mondays” to all schools in the 2019-2020 educational year, and he sees it as a wonderful way to save the world in the face of that dreaded specter of doom: CLIMATE CHANGE.

At a press conference this week, the quasi-Communist mayor of the Big Apple said that the change – already piloted at 15 Brooklyn schools – would have positive effects on both the health of students and the environment.

“Cutting back on meat a little will improve New Yorkers’ health and reduce greenhouse gas emissions,” de Blasio said. “We’re expanding Meatless Mondays to all public schools to keep our lunch and planet green for generations to come.”

In the lunchroom on these days, students can expect choices like “whole grain rotini pasta with herbed marinara sauce” and “kid friendly kale salad,” which may be our favorite oxymoron of the year.

Schools Chancellor Richard A. Carranza was upbeat about the change.

“Meatless Mondays are good for our students, communities, and the environment,” Carranza said. “Our 1.1 million students are taking the next step towards healthier, more sustainable lives.”

Carnivorous diets have become the latest front in the war against fun – a war waged in the name of climate change. In an interview with The Guardian last year, scientist Joseph Poore said there was no better way to help the planet than to adopt a vegan lifestyle.

“A vegan diet is probably the single biggest way to reduce your impact on planet Earth, not just greenhouse gases, but global acidification, eutrophication, land use and water use,” said Poore. “It is far bigger than cutting down on your flights or buying an electric car.”

In a feature article on the topic last year, however, the website The Conversation noted that even if every American went meatless, it would not have a significant effect on carbon output.

“Many people continue to think avoiding meat as infrequently as once a week will make a significant difference to the climate,” they reported. “But according to one recent study, even if Americans eliminated all animal protein from their diets, they would reduce U.S. greenhouse gas emissions by only 2.6 percent. According to our research at the University of California, Davis, if the practice of Meatless Monday were to be adopted by all Americans, we’d see a reduction of only 0.5 percent.”

The effect of New York City public schools going meatless on Mondays will, in other words, be so small as to make no difference whatsoever. But as long as it takes attention away from the city’s looming financial crisis, we suppose de Blasio will be more than happy to dive right in.

Written by Andrew

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