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University Warns: No Christmas Symbols Allowed This Christmas

President Donald Trump may have promised that we would be saying “Merry Christmas” again in this country, but that hasn’t stopped at least one university from going full Grinch for the holidays. In a terse document labeled “Religious Diversity and the Holidays,” the University of Minnesota is telling administrators and student workers to keep their Christmas celebrations to themselves. Any symbols, phrases, pictures, or characters commonly associated with the holiday are essentially banned, because the school’s staff doesn’t want anyone to accidentally be…oh dear…OFFENDED.

Question: Is anyone actually EVER offended by this stuff? Are there really Jews walking around getting their yarmulkes in a bunch because they saw a manger display on the way to class? Are there really angry atheists whose day is ruined if a professor tells them, “Merry Christmas?” Or is this just a bunch of soft-minded liberals trying to create a problem where none exists, like when they suddenly demanded we all recognize Kwanzaa years ago? At which point the vast majority of black Americans were like, Kwanzaa? WTF is this? Where’s Santa?

“Where’s Santa?” is exactly what people at the University of Minnesota will be asking, by the way, because the jolly fat man is among those symbols deemed too Christian for display.

“Santa Claus, Angels, Christmas trees, Star of Bethlehem, Dreidels, Nativity scene, Bows/wrapped gifts, Menorah, Bells, Doves, Red and Green or Blue and White/Silver decoration themes (red and green are representative of the Christian tradition as blue and white/silver are for Jewish Hanukkah that is also celebrated at this time of year),” reads the document, describing the many decorations that are to be considered inappropriate at this time of year. Instead, staff should “consider neutral-themed parties such as a ‘winter celebration.’ Decorations, music, and food should be general and not specific to any one religion.”

Winter celebration? What is this, a coven? Who are these people kidding?

University of Minnesota spokespeople have since tried to distance themselves from the memo, saying that it does not represent school policy but rather the opinions of only one individual. Well, we hope that’s the case, because we were starting to feel that holiday depression everyone’s talking about swarming in on us. But even if it is, we’re sure that their campus is not the only one being overrun by political correctness unbound by common sense and respect for tradition. The War on Christmas continues…but at least this year, it feels like we’ve got the momentum on our side.

Written by Andrew

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