Finally, We Have Scientific Proof That Socialism is for Girly Men

You probably don’t need a scientific study to prove that physically weak men tend to prefer socialist policies over the heavy lifting required of a capitalist society. Just one glance at leftists who ply their trade in American politics is more or less enough to tell the story. Not sure we ever saw any bulging biceps underneath the black clothes of an Antifa gang. MSNBC’s Chris Hayes is not exactly anyone’s model of a burly man’s man. Noam Chomsky looked like he would have difficulty opening a refrigerator door in his prime, and none of the male writers over at Vox seem like their personal cup of testosterone floweth over.

But even if it may be a true-blue “duh” conclusion, we finally have the scientific evidence to prove it: According to researchers from Brunel University London, weaker men are far more likely to favor socialist policies than stronger men. In a study that looked at political characteristics right alongside physical ones (including height, weight, strength, and biceps circumference), the university found what we’d assumed all along. Socialism is for girly men.

“This is about our Stone Age brains in a modern society,” said Brunel’s Dr. Michael Price. “Our minds evolved in environments where strength was a big determinant of success. If you find yourself in a body not threatened by other males, if you feel you can win competitions for status, then maybe you start thinking inequality is pretty good.”

Price, who sounds to our ears to be just a little bit defensive about his own findings, said that “survival of the strongest” mentalities did not necessarily make a lot of sense in our high-tech age.

“Of course this isn’t rational in modern environments, where your ability to win might have more to do with where you went to university. Lot of guys who are phenomenally successful in modern societies would probably be nowhere near as successful in hunter gatherer societies,” said Price.

Yes, but it’s really not about rationality at the end of the day, now is it? There aren’t many men hitting the bench press every day because they think it’s going to help them pull down another $100,000 a year in income. It’s hard-wired in. Strong men favor competition and weak men favor a society that just distributes everything equally (well, except for those tyrants at the top, but we never talk about those guys, do we?)

Frankly, we’d rather have a sense of pride about everything that we’ve earned than to have everything handed to us by a benevolent government, but that’s just us. We’re sure plenty of American socialists would disagree. That is, if they’re strong enough to make the argument without hurting themselves.

Written by Andrew

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